If Hogwarts Was A Musical
by Eternity Peregrine
Summary: What would happen if Hogwarts suddenly burst into song? Weird stuff to be sure! Join most of the cast as they randomly sing in a story that has little to no plot, but laughs all around! Prepare youself to loose I.Q. points!
1. Chapter One: This is Going to Be Strange

_Chapter One: This is Going to Be Strange_

Harry looked around, severely puzzled. What in the hell was he suddenly doing at Hogwarts? A moment ago he had been sleeping in a bed at the Weasleys'! Was this some kind of ambush?

"Harry!" he turned at the sound of Hermione's bewildered voice, "What are we doing here?"

"No idea…" said Ron amiably having appeared out of thin air with a slight pop.

Suddenly, they whipped their wands out as a voice spoke, filling the Entrance Hall, "Hi! I'm The Author and it is I who has brought you here today!" Harry glanced around, "Why?"

"I was seized by a spur of the moment idea to write a really stupid, pointless story- and throw in a bunch of songs!"

"Oookay," Hermione said, "This is going to be strange isn't it?"

Randomly, the Weasley twins swooped in on their brooms through a window, bringing back fond memories of the night they had left. They grinned wickedly and with a flash of light, they were suddenly both sitting on absolutely gorgeous custom Harleys and clad in black dragon skin jackets and huge sunglasses, giving them the classic 'biker' look. As the students who suddenly inhabited the Entrance Hall cheered, they began to belt out with feeling,

_Get your motor running  
Head out on the highway  
Looking for adventure  
In whatever comes our way  
_

"Not that I don't like Fred and George, but where did they just pop up from? And why in hell are they singing?" Harry asked confusedly as Ron and Hermione also stared.

_  
Yeah, darling  
Gonna make it happen  
Take the world in a love embrace  
Fire all of your guns at once and  
Explode into space _

_  
I like smoke and lightning  
Heavy metal thunder  
Racing in the wind  
And the feeling that I'm under _

Yeah, darling  
Gonna make it happen  
Take the world in a love embrace  
Fire all of your guns at once and  
Explode into space

"Eh, don't know, don't care," Ron said, "Good song for them, though."

_  
Like a true nature child  
We were born  
Born to be wild  
We have climbed so high  
Never want to die  
Born to be wild  
Born to be wild _

The students clapped enthusiastically and Harry spoke, "That was odd. How strange is this story going to get?"

"Pretty strange!" boomed the voice from above! And suddenly, Snape inexplicably burst through the front doors, a strange, highly unrealistic look of woe on his face as he warbled,

_Lonely I'm Mr. Lonely,  
I have nobody,  
For my owwnnn  
I'm so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely  
I have nobody,  
For my owwnnn  
I'm so lonely_

"I'm going to kill him with my bare hands!" roared Harry, having finally recovered from the shock that Snape was singing and tried to fling himself upon the old potions master and strangle him!

_  
Iwoke up in the middle of the night and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin, for here I was  
Feelin, so I hadda take a little ride, back tracking ova these few years, tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, cuz  
Ever since my girl left me, my whole life came crashin _

I'm so lonely (so lonely)  
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)  
I have nobody (I have nobody)  
To call my own (to call my own) girl

"Why is Snape here in the first place?" Hermione asked Ron exasperatedly as she fought to hold back Harry.

Ron shrugged as he too struggled with his friend, "Dunno, but he can't sing-" and suddenly, a light bulb appeared over his head as he shouted, "DOGPILE!"

_  
Been all about the world ain't neva met a girl that can take the things that you been through  
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run and I would be out chasing u  
Cuz aint nowhere in the globe id rather be, aint noone in the globe id rather see then the girl of my dreams that made me  
Be so happy but now so lonely _

I'm so lonely (so lonely)  
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)  
I have nobody (I have nobody)  
To call my own (to call my own) girrll

Harry still struggled under the weight of around a hundred people, wheezing angrily, "Get the bloody hell off me and let me kill him!"

Hermione sighed, "No Harry, control yourself…"

"Personally, I think we should let him at the bugger and get rid of this awful din!" Ron interjected, his fingers in his ears.

_  
Lonely, so lonely  
So lonely, (so lonely),  
Mr. Lonely, so lonely  
So lonely, so lonely, (so lonely), Mr. Lonely _

Just as he reached the last note in a very off key way, the Author's upset voice shrieked, "I hate you, you stupid bastard- you killed Dumbledore! Yet, because I am all powerful and I say so, you will now be miraculously turned into a slug and squashed by Harry!" As the final pronouncement rang, Snape suddenly disappeared and Harry, astoundingly freed from the dogpile, ran over and stomped happily on a very ugly slug. And thus, Severus Snape who was never handsome, though for some reason always looks like a freakish bishounen in fanart, perished.

_A/N: Hey ya'll! This here is my pet project- I just did it for fun! I was really bored over the summer when I started this andI just recently found it again and decided to wreak havoc upon the world by posting it! I hope you're ready: nest chapter will contain the Marauders, Draco, and a Surprise Guest! Oh, by the way- if ya'll have any particular characters/songs you would like to see, I might work them in. I've already written four chapters, but not everyone's in it yet... Have fun!_


	2. Chapter Two: Is This Prongs Junior

_Chapter Two: Is This Prongs Junior_

"Harry," Hermione said, "I think you've stepped on Snape enough by now. At this rate, you'll never get him off your trainers." "Ew…" Ginny wrinkled her nose as she came to stand next to them, "Isn't this whole thing weird?" "Weird; you ain't seen nothing yet!" A voice that sounded somewhat liked Harry's boomed happily across the hall. Harry spun and his mouth dropped open, "Dad!" "Well, I guess so- wotcher, son!" James Potter grinned happily when suddenly, some else appeared beside him, "Hey, Prongs, is this Prongs junior, or something?" "Sirius?" The young Sirius looked slightly annoyed, "Why're you looking at me like I'm a ghost or something?" James elbowed him, "Anyway, Harry- we've come to join the madness!" Padfoot and Prongs grinned wickedly and began to sing rather well,

_ i b I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt  
So sexy it hurts  
And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan  
New York and Japan   
And I'm too sexy for your party  
Too sexy for your party  
No way I'm disco dancing /i /b   
_

The duo both ripped their shirts off and waved them over their heads. Many people swooned and a loud thump was heard from above. Hermione snorted and looked away, "I think the Author just passed out."

_  
i I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car  
Too sexy by far  
And I'm too sexy for my hat  
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that /i _

b I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I shake my little touche on the catwalk /b 

i b I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my /i /b   


By now, almost every girl in the hall was trying to mob the two Marauders. Both looked thoroughly pleased with themselves and Harry said, "Gee, it must have been interesting back in those days, with these two on the loose…"

_  
i 'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk yeah on the catwalk yeah  
I shake my little touche on the catwalk /i _

b I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat  
Poor pussy poor pussy cat   
I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me /b 

i b And I'm too sexy for this song /i /b 

Just as they finished, a voice shrieked angrily, "POTTER! You are such an arrogant prat!" James sighed dreamily, "Ah, Lily; I thought I recognized thee for thy dulcet tones!" A pretty girl with long red hair and blazing green eyes snorted and turned to Harry, "You seem familiar…" "Well, I'm your son." Lily looked surprised, "But, you look like-" she now had the funniest look on her face, "Please, spare me the detail of who your father is…"

Just as Lily pleaded with Harry, Hermione gave a blood curdling scream! Voldemort suddenly appeared in the middle of the Great Hall and leered evilly as he cackled of key,

_ i On the day I was born  
The nurses all gathered round  
And they gazed in wild wonder  
At the joy they had found  
The head nurse spoke up  
Said "leave this one alone."  
She could tell right away  
I was bad to the bone_

Bad to the bone  
Bad to the bone  
Ba ba ba bad  
Bad to the bone /i  


Everybody shot each other looks. Ginny said, "I take it back- i this /i is weird." "I agree!" the entire hall chorused as Voldie began to break dance and the Author crowed madly! Lily remarked, "For some strange reason, I have the strangest feeling that he did something to me- I just can't remember what…" "Hey, me too Lily! Maybe we have more in common than you thought!" James slung an arm around her shoulders but hurriedly removed it at her death glare.

_  
i I broke a thousand hearts  
Before I met you  
I'll break a thousand more, baby  
Before I am through  
I wanna be yours, pretty baby  
Yours and yours alone  
I'm here to tell ya, woman  
That I'm bad to the bone_

Bad to the bone  
Bad to the bone  
Ba ba ba bad  
Bad to the bone

I'll make a rich woman beg  
And I'll make a good woman steal  
I'll make an old woman blush  
And I'll make a young girl squeal  
I wanna tell you pretty baby  
What I see I make my own  
I'm here to tell you pretty woman  
That I'm bad to the bone /i 

"Well, this song certainly works for him, but I can't see who he would ever like…" Hermione said thoughtfully. Harry flexed his hands and grabbed his wand, "Ah, I wish I could just kill him already!" "Oh, not yet!" the Author said cheerfully, "Maybe later, but I want to keep him around for comic relief you know!"__

i Bad to the bone  
Bad to the bone  
Ba ba ba bad  
Bad to the bone

Now when I walk the streets  
Kings and queens step aside  
Every woman I meet  
They all stay satisfied.  
I wanna tell ya, baby  
What I see I make my own.  
And I'm here to tell ya, pretty woman  
That I'm bad to the bone

Bad to the bone  
Bad to the bone  
Ba ba ba bad  
Bad to the bone /i 

Voldie bowed. The hall was absolutely silent and a distant cricket chirped. Everyone looked at each other rather awkwardly and suddenly the spell was broken when Draco Malfoy clambered into the hall through another window, looking half dead. He was scratched and bruised, his right arm purple with yellow spots, and it seemed as though his ears had been replaced with that of a ferret's. Everyone gasped and chorused together, "What in hell happened to you?"

Draco grinned, revealing a few missing front teeth, and rasped painfully, "Well, I've been Crucio-ed and generally cursed around the block, beaten, stepped on, whacked over the head with a heavy book, and tormented by extreme guilt but-"

_ i Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,  
I'm a woman's man: no time to talk.  
Music loud and women warm, I've been kicked around   
since I was born.  
And now it's all right. It's OK.  
And you may look the other way.  
We can try to understand  
the New York Times' effect on man._

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother,  
you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.   
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin',  
and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive. /i 

As Draco shamelessly hobbled around the hall, singing in a surprisingly strong voice, though exceptionally high. The Gryffindors looked at each other, shock apparent in all of their faces. Hermione couldn't resist shouting, "Malfoy, you know that's a muggle song, right?" He pretended not to hear her and kept singing. __

i Well now, I get low and I get high,  
and if I can't get either, I really try.  
Got the wings of heaven on my shoes.  
I'm a dancin' man and I just can't lose.  
You know it's all right. It's OK.  
I'll live to see another day.  
We can try to understand   
the New York Times' effect on man.

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother,  
you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin',  
and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive. /i 

Draco smirked widely, really getting into and continuing in the amazingly high voice… __

i Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me.  
Somebody help me, yeah.  
Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me, yeah.  
I'm stayin' alive. /i 

By now, the entire hall was belting out the song and doing the John Travolta themselves, from Voldie to, "Dumbledore!" Harry cried! The old professor smiled, "Ah, Harry! How have you been?" "But sir, you're dead?" "Pfft!" the Author snorted, "My ass he's dead! He had to come and sing a song or two! And I just like his character so damn much; I couldn't just leave him to rot in some tomb! Anyway, I advise you all to hold you ears, guess who's about to sing!" The duo turned as the hall darkened and the spotlight centered on: dun, dun, dun, Pansy Parkinson!


	3. Chapter Three: Is She Talking About Krum

_Chapter Three: Is She Talking About Krum_

Pansy posed in the spotlight and began to screech very, very off key, causing almost everyone to stuff their fingers in their ears as she butchered the 80's classic,

_I come home in the morning light  
My mother says when you gonna live your life right  
Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones  
And girls they want to have fun  
Oh girls just want to have fun _

_The phone rings in the middle of the night  
My father yells what you gonna do with your life  
Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one  
But girls they want to have fun  
Oh girls just want to have - _

"Not very good is she?" Hermione said to Ron as Pansy bounced around the hall, people shrinking away from her as she went. "What?" Ron yelled, "I can't hear anything over this- it's worse than Snape!" Harry's glasses cracked, "And that's saying something!"

_That's all they really want  
Some fun  
When the working day is done  
Girls - they want to have fun  
Oh girls just want to have fun _

_Some boys take a beautiful girl  
And hide her away from the rest of the world  
I want to be the one to walk in the sun  
Oh girls they want to have fun  
Oh girls just want to have -_

"Urgh! I can't take this torture! Lily- put a silencing charm on 'er!" James pleaded desperately as Lily quickly removed her hands from her ears, "With pleasure- silencio!" Silence roared through the hall for a moment before being broken by the loud cheers of the thankful students, "Hooray! She's shut her up!" Pansy slunk away scowling when suddenly, out a random portrait, came Fleur with Bill in tow, "Ooh! And now eet ees my turn!" and promptly belted out,

_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,  
And their like  
It's better than yours,  
Damn right it's better than yours,  
I can teach you,  
But I have to charge _

_I know you want it,  
The thing that makes me,  
What the guys go crazy for.  
They lose their minds,  
The way I wind,  
I think its time _

_La la-la la la,  
Warm it up.  
Lala-lalala,  
The boys are waiting _

Almost as soon as Fleur had walked into the room, the male population was drooling. Bill said rapturously to no one, "Isn't she GREAT!" Even Sirius the hard hearted playboy was puddling happily at her feet. Ginny said with a shudder, "Well, the song does kind of fit, but I still can't believe she did this- it's degrading even for her!"

_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,  
And their like  
It's better than yours,  
Damn right it's better than yours,  
I can teach you,  
But I have to charge _

_I can see youre on it,  
You want me to teach thee  
Techniques that freaks these boys,  
It can't be bought,  
Just know, thieves get caught,  
Watch if your smart, _

_La la-la la la,  
Warm it up,  
La la-la la la,  
The boys are waiting _

James snuck up behind Lily while she was too disgusted watching Fleur to notice, pulled a sprig of mistletoe from the air and said cheerily, "Early Christmas present, darling!"

_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,  
And their like  
It's better than yours,  
Damn right it's better than yours,  
I can teach you,  
But I have to charge _

_Oh, once you get involved,  
Everyone will look this way-so,  
You must maintain your charm,  
Same time maintain your halo,  
Just get the perfect blend,  
Plus what you have within,  
Then next his eyes are squint,  
Then he's picked up your scent, _

_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,  
And their like  
It's better than yours,  
Damn right it's better than yours,  
I can teach you,  
But I have to charge _

While Lily screamed and slapped him, Hermione glared at the heavily salivating Ron. Harry, noticing this said hurriedly, "Why, it looks like Fleur is almost done with her song!" Hermione didn't need telling twice- as Fleur finally shut up and went to go make out with Bill, the brunette girl began to sing in a heartrending tone,

_Hands touch, eyes meet  
Sudden silence, sudden heat  
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl  
He could be that boy  
But I'm not that girl: _

_Don't dream too far  
Don't lose sight of who you are  
Don't remember that rush of joy  
He could be that boy  
I'm not that girl _

Ron looked angrily at Harry, coming out of his Fleur induced coma, "Is she talking about Krum! I knew that bloody git was no good at all!"

_Ev'ry so often we long to steal  
To the land of what-might-have-been  
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel  
When reality sets back in _

_Blithe smile, lithe limb  
She who's winsome, she wins him  
Gold hair with a gentle curl  
That's the girl he chose  
And Heaven knows  
I'm not that girl _

"When I get my hands on him," Ron muttered threateningly, "For thinking about some blonde airhead when he could have Hermione!" Realizing what he had just said, his ears turned scarlet as Harry rolled his eyes, "Sure, Ron- of course she's talked about Krum. Who else could it_ possibly_ be?" Ginny snorted loudly but quickly turned her attention back to the sobbing Hermione,

_Don't wish, don't start  
Wishing only wounds the heart  
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl  
There's a girl I know  
He loves her so  
I'm not that girl… _

Hermione hit the last note and promptly dashed out of the Great Hall, quickly followed by Ginny and Lily, who had lots of practice with insufferable boys. Suddenly, with a loud pop, a girl fell from the ceiling, landing none too gracefully on top of the Marauders. They stared at her as she glanced hurriedly at the ceiling, as though making sure she hadn't been followed, "Phew! Thank God- I escaped in time!" They all looked at her, "From what exactly?" "The Harmony shippers- they're all going to try to kill me later on in the story!" "So, you're the Author!" Harry said, "But, what's 'Harmony?'" Eternity glanced around furtively, "The Harry/Hermione shippers- of course, they are entitled to their own opinions, though I prefer Ron/Hermione and Harry/Ginny…" Ginny looked somewhat alarmed, "Why did you need to escape?" "Oh, they're all pissed off about that Mugglenet interview. Heh,_ delusional,_ ha ha ha! Not that **I** think they're delusional or anything-" Eternitystated quickly under the heated glares from Harmony shippers. The characters looked at her oddly and the Author stated quickly, "I'm just going to go over there and finish scribbling this- and by the way, Marauders, you're up!"

A/N: And if you don't know what I'm talking about- go to Mugglenet and check up on it. I think it's all rather funny of course, but meh. I've decided I don't care what anybody else thinks, I like writing this. But, please, even if you are a Harmony shipper, no flaming. I've never flamed a Harmony fic and some are beautifully written. I just don't see how it would work out between Harry and Hermione… anyway, if you don't like Ron and Hermione (though it's relatively minor in this fic), go and read my Lily and James stories since we all know they get together in the end…


	4. Chapter Four: Unendurable Boys

_Chapter Four: Unendurable Boys_

As the Author scurried away to a corner, quill in hand, the three Marauders who hadn't betrayed each other (cough-PETER-cough) strode up on stage, conjured microphones, and began to sing loudly, again reducing the fangirls to quivering masses of fanaticism:

_I've paid my dues  
Time after time  
I've done my sentence  
But committed no crime  
And bad mistakes  
I've made a few  
I've had my share of sand  
Kicked in my face  
But I've come through _

_And we mean to go on and on and on and on _

_We are the champions - my friends  
And we'll keep on fighting  
Till the end  
We are the champions  
We are the champions  
No time for losers  
'Cause we are the champions of the World _

Lily, who by now had returned with Ginny and Hermione, glared magnificently at James, before turning again to Hermione to discuss unendurable boys yet again. Ginny sidled up to Harry, "So, meeting your parents: what you expected?" "Not really, no… But the Author will fix it in the end. **Right?**" He glared menacingly as Eternity said snootily, "Excuse you, Potter-pants! If you would care to listen, Lily/James is one of my favorite ships ever! They _always_ end up together!" The Marauders, by now, were getting a little more- wild…

_I've taken my bows  
And my curtain calls  
You brought me fame and fortune  
And everything that goes with it  
I thank you all  
But it's been no bed of roses  
No pleasure cruise  
I consider it a challenge before  
The whole human race  
And I ain't gonna lose _

_And we mean to go on and on and on and on _

_We are the champions - my friends  
And we'll keep on fighting  
Till the end  
We are the champions  
We are the champions  
No time for losers  
'Cause we are the champions of the World _

The boys by now had conjured large mugs of firewhiskey and were sloshing them happily all over, more on the floor than in their mouths. Of course, the fangirls fainted again.

_We are the champions - my friends  
And we'll keep on fighting  
Till the end  
We are the champions  
We are the champions  
No time for losers  
'Cause we are the champions _

Finally, the whole hall got into the spirit of the song, grabbing glasses of various liquids and clinking tankards enthusiastically, causing the floor to become rather slippery as random drinks spilled everywhere. Winking roguishly, the young men took a flying leap into the crowd, automatically being passed all around the crowd. A moment later, James landed at Lily's feet, "See, Flower- I leapt off a stage into a mass of jibbering fangirls who could have kidnapped me; just to get to you! Do you love me now?" Lily smiled seductively, her hand coming up to caress James' face, "Oh, of course I- DON'T!" she smacked him, fuming and stalked away to where Ginny was now standing alone, "Look! Harry's going up!" And it was true! The Boy-Who-Lived jumped resolutely onto a table, all lights going out in the hall ("OW!" yelled Draco has he tripped over some random object and fell down several flights of stairs) as a spotlight illuminated our favorite hero:

_You could never know what it's like_

_Your blood like winter freezes just like ice_

_And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you_

_You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use_

_And did you think this fool could never win_

_Well look at me, I'm coming back again_

_I got a taste of love in a simple way_

_And if you need to know while I'm still standing you just fade_

_Away!_

_Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did_

_Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid_

_I'm still standing after all this time_

_Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind _

Harry glared smolderingly at Voldemort, all his angst from years ago in the heat of his gaze. The fangirls fainted again. The Marauders looked slightly confused, "What's he talking about?" "Voldemort has tried to kill him more than once…" a new voice said. Sirius stared at the newcomer, "Moony? God, you look old!" "HEY!" the young Remus shouted as the elder version chuckled, "You know Padfoot, even years later you still hadn't changed- much."

_I'm still standing yeah, yeah, yeah_

_I'm still standing yeah, yeah, yeah_

_Once I never could hope to win_

_You starting down the road leaving me again_

_The threats you made were meant to cut me down_

_And if our hate was just a circus you'd be a clown by now_

"You know," Ginny said absently, her eyes fixed on Harry, "He's not too bad." Lily beamed, "That's my boy!" The Marauders sniffed, "What about us?" Tonks, appearing behind them, patted their shoulders, "Oh, you were fine." "When did you get here?" Hermione said confusedly as the older woman laughed, "As soon as the Author wrote me in… see, look at her over there, scribbling away!" They turned- indeed, Eternity was covered in ink, chewing her quill as think rolls of parchment fell about her.

_Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did_

_Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid_

_I'm still standing after all this time_

_Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind_

_I'm still standing yeah, yeah, yeah_

_I'm still standing yeah, yeah, yeah _

Harry bowed as the hall rang with cheers, even Voldemort grudgingly clapping. Ginny ran up to him and flung her arms around his neck, "Oh, Harry, that was wonderful!" Harry quickly pushed her off, "Gin, you can't do that- look at him!" Everyone glanced over toward Voldemort who was, in fact, leering pervily at them. "See Ginny! He'll go after you! I can't let it happen!" Harry's angst took over and he stormed away, leaving Ginny looking angry. Lily walked over to her, "You're lucky he doesn't take after his father- you wouldn't have any rest otherwise!" "But, Lily: I like Harry. I want him to take after his father!" "See, Lils!" James yelled happily, "People want their boyfriends to be like me! Me, me, me, me, **meeeee**! Hey wait, where're you going?"

For indeed, Lily stormed toward the center of the room, her face a mix of anger and deviousness as she yelled, "I dedicate this song to- well, if they don't guess, I will have been_ very_ surprised!" and began to sing…

A/N: And so, Lily is up! I was thinking maybe Ron or Ginny (or both) will also go in the nest chapter, but I'm not sure... Anyway, much love!


	5. Chapter Five: Oh Get A Grip

Dedicated to Saphra and Lily and James Love 4 Ever for being awesome reviewers!

_Chapter Five: Oh, Get A Grip _

"I dedicate this song to- well, if they don't guess, I will have been **very** surprised!" and began to sing…

_You walked into the party  
Like you were walking onto a yacht  
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye  
Your scarf it was apricot  
You had one eye in the mirror  
As you watched yourself gavotte  
And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner  
They'd be your partner, and _

You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you  
You're so vain  
I'll bet you think this song is about you  
Don't you? Don't you?

Ginny and Hermione stared at Lily for a minute before joining in whole heartedly.

_  
You had me several years ago  
When I was still quite naive  
Well, you said that we made such a pretty pair  
And that you would never leave  
But you gave away the things you loved  
And one of them was me  
I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee  
Clouds in my coffee, and_

_You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you  
You're so vain  
I'll bet you think this song is about you  
Don't you? Don't you? _

I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee  
Clouds in my coffee, and

"Well," the elder Remus stated, "_I _certainly know who she's singing about." Tonks nodded agreement as another light bulb went on above Ron's head, "Hey, this was so obvious, even I know she's singing about-" "**MEEEE!**" James burst out happily, "And did you here that before; she said she _liked_ me!" The younger, much more smart-alecky Remus grinned wickedly, "You do realize that she said several years ago, Prongs?" James' face fell as Sirius began to laugh maniacally…

_  
You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you  
You're so vain  
I'll bet you think this song is about you  
Don't you? Don't you?_

Lily and the other girls finished with a bang- literally. Just as they sang the last note, Draco fell down the stairs, screaming like a girl as he added to his collection of bruises. Harry had still not come back from where ever he had chosen to throw his extremely noble hissy fit and Ginny slyly glanced around the room. Lily noticed first and murmured to Hermione, "I think _somebody_ is about to proclaim her devotion to a certain _someone_. Where is _someone_!" Hermione grinned, understanding Lily perfectly and too of to go find Harry, leaving a wide arc around Ron who looked slightly dubious as his younger sister began to sing about the man she dreamed of…

_A simple choice, nothing more  
This or that, either or  
Marry well, social whirl, business man, clever girl  
Or pin my future on a green glass love  
What kind of life am I dreaming of? _

I say gimme, gimme that thing called love  
I want it  
Gimme, gimme that thing called love  
I need it  
Highs and lows, tears and laughter  
Gimme happy ever after  
Gimme, gimme that thing called love

Ginny's delicate voice filled the hall as she closed her eyes with feeling. Ron was starting to look slightly queasy- the Marauders pointed and laughed at him. 

Gimme, gimme that thing called love  
I crave it  
Gimme, gimme that thing called love  
I'll brave it  
Thick 'n thin, rich or poor time  
Gimme years and I'll want more time  
Gimme, gimme that thing called love

Gimme, gimme that thing called love  
I'm free now  
Gimme, gimme that thing called love  
I see now  
Fly, dove! Sing, sparrow!  
Gimme Cupid's famous arrow  
Gimme, gimme that thing called love

I don't care if he's a nobody  
In my heart he'll be a somebody  
Somebody to love me!

"You **GO** girl!" random female characters cheered as Ginny twirled through the hall, her long red hair flying out behind her in a glorious cascade. It seemed that Ginny had about the same effect as Fleur on many of the male students. Some were muttering angrily to themselves about stupid, noble people that had escaped dark wizards while James whacked the slightly drooling Sirius on the back of the head, "Oh, get a grip!"

Sirius glared at him, rubbing his head, "I'm surprised you're not in a puddle on the floor- she's just like Lily!" James blushed and muttered quietly to his friend, "No- she isn't… no one is." He never noticed that Lily, standing _directly_ behind him had begun to blush furiously as he continued his conversation with Sirius, a dreamy cast on his face, "Lily, my flower- but she's not a lily. Lilies are calm and cool and elegant. No, my Lily is a rose- roses have thorns and wild beauty. They're statuesque and graceful, with the bearing of royalty! That's my Lily: fierce and passionate and untouchable…" 

I need it  
Gimme, gimme that thing called love  
I want it  
Here I am, St. Valentine  
My bags are packed, I'm first in line  
Aphrodite, don't forget me  
Romeo and Juliet me  
Fly, dove! Sing, sparrow!  
Gimme fat boy's famous arrow  
Gimme, gimme that thing called love

As Ginny belted out her last note, she whirled a little too much and tripped… right into Harry's arms. Forgetting everything he had told her and all the people surrounding them, she just grabbed him and kissed him rather passionately. A little _too _passionately for Ron who was rocking back and forth, eyes tightly shut as he murmured, "Find a happy place, find a happy place!" Hermione just giggled as the Marauders watched enviously- well, **most** of the Marauders.

"**_OH MY GAWD_**!" Sirius and Remus the younger shrieked slack jawed, "He's not…? Is she…?" They promptly fainted as everybody- except Ginny and Harry who were rather busy- turned to see: Lily Evans, proclaimed "Potter loather" and James Potter, proclaimed "Evans Obsessee," making out! Tonks answered the unspoken thought, "Well, that was lucky."

James and Lily parted slowly, both of them rather dazed. By now, Remus and Sirius had woken up and were high fiving each other, "YES! Finally, we won't have to listen to prongs whine about why she won't go out with him anymore!" James grinned broadly and even Lily smiled as the entire clapped. Suddenly, the young man began to sing again, quickly joined by most of the other boys in the room as they spoke of their own loves/crushes/obsessions/sisters- just kidding!

_She's cold and she's cruel  
But she knows what she's doin'  
She pushed me in the pool  
At our last school reunion  
She laughs at my dreams  
But I dream about her laughter  
Strange as it seems  
She's the one I'm after _

Cause she's bittersweet  
She knocks me off of my feet  
And I can't help myself  
I don't want anyone else  
She's a mystery  
She's too much for me  
But I keep coming back for more  
She's just the girl I'm looking for

Even Harry was now singing, Ginny laughing in the circle of his arms. The hall rebounded with the somewhat off key tune as even the Weasley twins joined in, waving their wands and causing thousands of conveniently hidden fireworks to burst into giant hearts!

_  
She can't keep a secret  
For more than an hour  
She runs on one hundred proof attitude power  
And the more she ignores me  
The more I adore her  
What can I do  
I'd do anything for her _

Cause she's bittersweet  
She knocks me off of my feet  
And I can't help myself  
I don't want anyone else  
She's a mystery  
She's too much for me  
But I keep coming back for more  
She's just the girl I'm looking for

The way she sees it's me  
On her caller I.D.  
She won't pick up the phone  
She'd rather be alone  
But I can't give up just yet  
Cause every word she's ever said  
Still ringing in my head  
Still ringing in my head

"What's caller I.D.? And what's a phone? And why would anyone ever actually not pick up on **me**?" Sirius asked the elder Remus over the noise as he held Tonks' hands, "Shut up Sirius…"

_  
She's cold and she's cruel  
But she knows what she's doin'  
Knows just what to say  
So my whole day is ruined _

Cause she's bittersweet  
She knocks me off of my feet  
And I can't help myself  
I don't want anyone else  
She's a mystery  
She's too much for me  
But I keep coming back for more  
Oh, I keep coming back for more  
She's just the girl I'm looking for

Just the girl I'm looking for  
I'm looking for  
I'm looking for  
I'm looking for  
Just the girl I'm looking for

Ron looked pointedly at Hermione but she never noticed, being to busy glaring at Lavender Brown. As the song ended and the various students/teachers/random characters all began to make out with each other, Ron jumped on a table, knocking a bowl of flaming chili onto Draco's head. As the Slytherin stumbled around the hall, his screams muffled by the extremely thick chili, Ron started his song.

A/N: This was fun to write and I hope you all like it! I tried to make it longer and maybe even _more _AU, but oh well. The next chapter should be fun too! By the way, the only reason I updated so fast was I got some many beautiful reviews in such a short time- remember: **reviews for stories/chapters**. Well, see ya'll later!


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